Be careful what you wish for- Spooks fanfiction
by BakerStreetKid
Summary: Thames House has had a bad week, with Jo down and Zaff mysteriously missing, it's down to Harry to bring peace to section D. But as Adam starts to act strangely its down to Ruth to figure what's happening. Harry/Ruth, Jo/Zaff Please review! *ON HIATUS*
1. Chapter 1

I knocked onto Harry's door- Dot dot dot dot, dot dash, dot dash dot, dot dash dot, dash dot dash dash.

'Ruth, you don't always have to morse code, I know who you are.'

'Code red.'

'Shit.' He gazed around the room pausing for moments. 'Get me Adam.'

'Ok.'

This was a normal day. Actually the board meeting with Blake made it worse. But everyone hates the bloody home secretary anyway. Jo, Zaff and Malcolm were in the meeting room, Harry was shouting; never a good sign.

'HOW COULD YOU BE SO SELFISH AND IRRESPONSIBLE JO?'

'Look, Harry I don't want to go undercover.'

'AND WHY NOT?'

'It's personal, Harry.'

'WHY IS IT PERSONAL JO?'

'I want to tell Ruth.'

'TELL HER THEN, JO, THEN LEAVE FOR THE DAY. I CANNOT BEAR TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN.'

Harry left the room. I stormed into his Office.

'HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO JO LIKE THAT, HARRY.'

'SHE WAS BEING SELFISH.'

'AND YOU ARE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE, HARRY. YOU DON'T DARE TO DO THAT. OTHERWISE YOU ARE A POOR LEADER, HARRY.'

He walked up to me, mumbling softly under his breath before kissing me deeply on the lips.

'Harry.'

'Ruth, how dare you talk like that in my own office. Go.'

'Harry the glass.' I pointed to the glass covering his office.

'Ah.'

'I'll let myself out.'

. 

Jo dragged me into the hall, grasping me by the wrist.

'Ruth. It's bad.'

'Jo. What's wrong?'

'I might be pregnant.'

'What do you mean you might be pregnant?'

'There's something else. If it is what I think it is, it's Zaff's.'

'Zaff? You know what, I don't even want to know anymore.'

Jo rested a protective hand across her stomach.

'Jo.' She looked up, scared and hopeless.' Take the afternoon off.'

'But Ruth.. I can't.. what about Harry..'

'I will deal with Harry, go Jo.'


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm soooooo sorry this has taken so long, it's been a manic year and I have hardly had a minute.. So I will try to upload every week but I can't promise anything x**

Chapter 2

Jo slowly stared at the pregnancy test in front of her. It glared at her with a brutal rage. 3 minutes seemed like such a long time when you were waiting on the fate of the rest of the rest of her life. It was Zaff's she was sure. Or was it? It had to be. After a few seconds she noticed the tears streaming down her face. Is this what she had become? Stuck in a small bathroom waiting for the answer to a pregnancy test. The surroundings around her, they seemed to meet the ominous feeling in her mood. The bathroom had a dark floor which had been neglected, so it was covered in dust and scratches; the bath was old and needed repairing, the feet it stood on were rusty and bare, the sink leaked, every second or so it dripped, like it was counting her fate; but everywhere was dirty, the walls had mold creeping upon them and the light flickered.

2 minutes to go.

The last two minutes seemed to go the slowest. Every second she thought of what she would do, what would it's name be? She had always liked the name Daniel. Or Scarlet. But this wasn't her. She couldn't be the one to do the four o'clock feed and take them to play school. This wasn't her. She could never take part in school events or volunteer at the brownie meetings. This wasn't her. But she didn't have any other choice. Maybe it isn't positive. Maybe it's just an accident. Maybe not. But what if she wasn't pregnant. What if all this worrying was for no reason, she would just go back to her life like nothing had happened. Go to work, undercover. Maybe do some side work for Adam. But life wasn't easy. If it was she wouldn't be sitting here. Waiting for the verdict.

1 minute to go.

Jo felt her heart rate go faster she felt her self breathing heavily. She crouched down next to the toilet, how much 60 seconds can change your life. How much they can alter the course of history. If Adam hadn't have moved that gun in the last 60 seconds of the Jamieson trials Harry would've died. If she hadn't had sprinted the last 60 seconds to the pharmacy, she wouldn't have been sitting here. She would be waiting another day to find out her fate. 60 seconds, were a curious time space. They were long enough to find out your fate, but not long enough to seal it. Fate, like the 60 seconds altercation, was an interesting theory, fate was almost like a death sentence. She had once heard a song where the chorus sung 'We are fated to pretend' but are we? It's strange but it never really works -

Her thoughts were cut off but the sound of her alarm. She looked down. There was her fate. In a pregnancy test.

**I hope you liked that guys! I know its short but I wanted to build up the story a bit! I took your advice and cut out the dialouge, as I did feel it moved the story too quickly. I hope you liked it! Please review! **


	3. Chapter 3

The silence was suffocating. It choked the air you breathe and left the air stuck to your lungs- like tar. The glue like atmosphere was smothering them. Jo's sharp fingernails tapped on the harsh wooden surface and had broken the eerie silence. Ruth's throat itched.

'So?' Ruth asked, wanting to be out of this horrifying hole.

'There is nothing to tell.' Jo replied.

'What do you mean nothing?' Ruth's voice started to raise, the volume reaching it's peak.

'There was never anything.' Jo stuttered, the tears breaking her speech.

'Never?'

'Never.'

Jo opened the door and left, as the tears streaming down her face, she began to regret everything.

* * *

><p>Zaff was stunned to his inner core. He stared into Jo's eyes, they used to be full of hope and excitement in her deep blue eyes, but now, he thought, they seemed hazed, the colour had faded so slightly- as if they have frosted over, the charismatic blue had lost all sense of everything- they looked so bland against her now pale skin.<p>

'What does this mean Jo?' He wanted to say, but the words didn't seem to leave his mouth, instead his words came out like a cough, a break in Jo's never-ending silence.

Silence can be so consuming. Especially to the lonely ones.

'Zaff, what's wrong?' She finally asked. For another amount of time which she couldn't estimate in the length of minutes she paused, until she followed up the question, 'Zaff, what's wrong?'

'Errmm' He spluttered out his feelings. 'You're going to leave 5?'

He had finally let go of the words that he had held back for this extended conversation.

'I'm taking a break, I've decided to go see my Mum in Cornwall for a month or so.' She replied decisively.

'Is it because of us?' He asked, the questions filled his mind to breaking point. The tears rolled down his face.

She shook her head in reply.

'Because, I really so try Jo. I want this to work.'

'But..' She couldn't find it in herself to reply quickly, 'but.. but.. It wouldn't work, Zaff, I'm me and you are you. We can't change!'

'I can change Jo! If that what it takes, I'll do it- Please'

'So you're prepared to take care of a baby?' She blurted. Releasing her mistake she covered her mouth.

'A baby?' He replied, removing her hand from her face.

'No, a giraffe, Zaff.' She said with a beam written across her face.

'That would be a big issue for our apartment.' He said, equally beaming, as he leaned in to kiss her.

'I'm sorry Zaff, I can't.'

'Why?' He stared into her eyes again, which had lost it's frozen yet icy warpath but have been replace with more worry than he could imagine.

'When I make a decision, I keep it.'

'Oh.'

* * *

><p>Ruth walked into Harry's office. The seat was still warm, but his presence had left it giving the room a sudden icy coldness, she sat on it, in an awkward attempt to make the room it's naturally warm self. It didn't work. So instead, she reached up and grabbed a whiskey glass off the counter and poured herself an unusually large whiskey.<p>

She sighed, in each breath she tried to pace herself- today she would tell him about Jo. Why she was leaving, and why she wouldn't be working for a few days.

As she took her deep breaths, _in out,_ she reminded herself, _in out, _Ruth decided to peer around Harry's desk, the organisation helped, _in out, _and she saw something she had never wished she had seen, _in out, _a small black box, _in out, _with a sticky label on it, _in out, _it simply said 'Ruth', _in out, in out, in out._

_The last thought before Ruth Evershed fainted was the thought of Harry proposing, and as she fell, she had a smile written across her face._

For once, she was happy.


	4. Chapter 4

**I am so so sorry that I haven't uploaded this week, school stress! Argh! Enjoy!**

When you go to see the picture of your baby for the first time, you are filled with all this excitement, hope and nervousness. But this was one of the best feeling that Jo had ever felt, until the condescending midwife turned up. She had warned Jo that the gel would be cold. She suddenly felt this urge to punch her in the face, and tell her everything about her life; she wanted to tell her that she had killed terrorists, defused bombs and in one day she had been the reason why London hadn't gone up in flames. That was just a tuesday.

But damn that gel was cold.

It was only when Zaff had gripped her hand, that she turned her attention to the small screen- where she saw her baby for the first time. This clump of cells was hers. Well, theirs.

'Well' The irritating midwife said. 'It looks like you are just 12 weeks gone, Jo- by the size of the baby. Would you like to know the sex?'

'No.' Jo quickly replied.

'Ok then, Jo. What about work? If you are in a stressful position then you are required to hand over some of the more stressful duties to a co-worker, as this has been linked to pre-eclampsia, etc.. What job are you in, Jo?'

'I work in law.'

'And what position?'

Zaff giggled.

'Zaff.' She grunted. 'I work as a Law Partner for Pearce and Evershed.' Jo replied confidently.

'I've never heard of that firm. What do they specialise in?'

'Criminal Defence.'

'That sounds very interesting, but how are you going to explain to Harry that you're pregnant?'

...

Ruth had woken up a day and a half later still in Harry's office, she was surprised, but not gob-smacked. She took everything her stride- except the box with her name on it- that was different situation. Harry had always shown his affection, but to Ruth, he would always be her Boss. Not only was he her boss, but he was her lift home, her partner at funerals and her fiancé? boyfriend. Harry was different, she would say to herself, he wasn't just those things- he was so much more than that- he had even wrapped his jacket over her shoulders as she slept on the floor in his office, her head was resting on a designer shirt and next to her, was a beautifully written note.

_Ruth, I hope you're feeling rested and recovered now; gone home to get some clothes. All my love, Harry._

All my love? That wasn't Harry. He wouldn't say that in a million years. He would've just signed Harry, he always did this, even to his wife, he had once told her, that he signed an anniversary card with the words 'From Harry.' Her quick mind started to work, there had to be a sign. A note or cipher he had left for her.

She looked at the note again, and as she looked at it, she ripped Harry's code book from his draw and translated it,

_Ruth, please help me, you know what to do. Call the house, Harry._

And at that moment, she screamed so loud that the whole street could hear her.

...

Adam Carter, had only just adjusted to Fi's death. There were times when he had forgotten that she was gone; in the mornings, he place his hand over where she slept, holding on to the sheets, he thought that she must be in the bathroom, until that sharp stab of realisation brings you back to reality. The pain was unreal- but it was the familiar stab of agony that welcomed him every day.

This was not the worst of his problems. Wes, had been bullied at school, and at 9, he already had expressed wanting to know how to use a gun. But Adam stopped him talking, he didn't want Wes in the real world, the world that had killed Fiona.

But one thing he still did, is that he saved the people that could be saved, so that they wouldn't leave like she did. So when Adam heard Ruth's screams, he had run faster than his legs could carry him.

**Please read and review :) I really hoped you enjoyed this chapter :D xoxo**


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